Sunday, August 21, 2011

EDGE OF ESCAPE - the rewrites



Working with an editor and publishing house through emails and across oceans and continents has been exciting as EDGE OF ESCAPE is now being translated into German. I have republished my English Kindle version to match. Here's a scene that was tweaked. Eddie rescued Rebecca from the one trap that he didn't set and Rebecca thinks she's safe with him, not yet realizing who he is.

Becca could not yet settle down. Desperation, tension and anxiety shook her small frame. She let herself be served by Ed. He was polite and reserved and, she had already figured out, quite shy. He set the bread and butter on the table and filled their glasses with wine. He brought the lasagna over and scooped her out a large portion before filling his own plate and setting the pan back on the stove. He sat down and put his napkin on his lap and seemed to wait for something. She wasn’t sure if she should start eating. Maybe he was going to say a prayer first. She smiled at him and said, “This looks wonderful. I’m starving.”

Ed beamed and nodded at her. “You first,” he said.
Becca took a steaming forkful and blew on it before tasting it. Ed did the same. They ate in silence for a few minutes then Becca said, “Thank you again for rescuing me. You must be curious as to how I got down there.”
Ed just shook his head.

“Well, someone was chasing me and was going to hurt me,” she recounted, despite his lack of curiosity.

She saw his face screw into a frown and he looked incredulous. “No one would hurt you,” he said shaking his head again. She thought he looked like an innocent child. He reminded her of someone, but she couldn’t think who. She took a bite of bread and then gulped down most of her wine.

“No, really,” she continued, “I was kidnapped, handcuffed, chased, imprisoned, trapped, and lost.” It almost sounded funny to her now. In fact she started to laugh about it. And laugh.

Edward had never seen anyone go into hysterics, but Rebecca went from laughing to crying in an instant. He got up and knelt by her chair and put his arms around her. “Don’t cry,” he soothed. “Don’t cry. It’s all right. Don’t cry.” He stroked her neck, petting her like he had petted his kittens.